Divorce is hard on all involved. Parents need to ensure their children receive love, support, and encouragement at this time. What are some ways to open up to a child about the divorce?
Tell the Children Together
Divorce usually occurs as the result of conflict between the two adults in a relationship. However, the stress, tension, and hurt need to be put aside when it is time to tell the children the marriage is over. They need both parents to be present at this time to reassure them that they are loved and that the divorce is in no way their fault. Simply explain the parents feel they can no longer live together and that this has nothing to do with the children. They don’t need to know the reasons behind the divorce, simply that it is occurring and both parents will be there throughout the process and beyond. This should be done before a child custody lawyer is contacted so the children don’t learn this news by overhearing a phone conversation or something of that nature.
Explain the Changes That Are Coming
Children, especially those that are younger, want to know how the divorce will impact their daily routine. They don’t want additional surprises in their life and parents need to prepare them for any changes that may occur. While not everything can be anticipated, it’s best to provide as much information as possible, and parents should always be honest with the kids. Lying at this time is simply not helpful.
Be Prepared for Different Reactions
Parents need to be prepared for their children to react differently to this news. Some kids try to act like nothing’s wrong, certain children become fearful and worry about every little thing, and many kids express anger and sadness. Consider the reaction of each child and respond accordingly. For example, if a child is fearful and begins clinging to one or both parents, allow him or her to do so for a period of time. This extra reassurance is needed until the children learn what to expect during and following the divorce.
Remain Available
Children lack the autonomy adults do. They can’t simply climb in their car and visit the missing parent at his or her new residence. For this reason, parents should be available to their children as much as possible immediately following the separation. The child needs to know both parents will still be part of their lives and open availability provides them with comfort and peace of mind during a difficult time.
Take Care of Yourself
When a parent is falling apart as the result of a divorce, kids pick up on this. Try to take care of yourself as the process moves forward so the children can see that it is okay to do so. Talk with others around the kids about the changes that are taking place and how it affects you. Children who see this will be more encouraged to share their thoughts and feelings regarding the divorce with others as they see their parents doing so. Furthermore, consider counseling or join a support group so children can see they aren’t alone in this situation. Others are going through similar experiences and understand where they are coming from.
Seek outside help as needed. Countless individuals go through this process every day and there is help available. Don’t hesitate to make use of it so all parties can move forward with life and have peace and the life they deserve.
