As a young mom, my days are filled with a wide variety of tasks. I feel like a chef, housekeeper, driver, guidance counselor and caregiver all in one. Most of the day, in fact, is spent making sure that our son doesn’t jump off the couch and crack something (his head, his teeth, a rib, arm or the coffee table).
My mother recently came for a visit. I’m incredibly lucky that she is around to enjoy her grandchildren, but it wasn’t an easy couple of weeks. Most of you know I lost my father last year to a long illness. My mother took care of him up until his last days and I know the stress affected her terribly. Now I’m nervous about her health as she grows older. As joyous a time as it was to have her here, I have to admit that I felt like there was one more person in the house that needed to be looked after and cared for. It worried me. Not forgetting, my husband’s parents are also a concern, since they’re nearing a time that may in the not so far future require care as well. What would the future hold?
My husband works, and though I’m currently working from home, that could change. What if something happened to them and I had to suddenly leave my job to care for them? Who would take care of my son when I was out?
And all of a sudden, planning for our parents’ future became another thing on the ever-growing to-do list. Most important in all this was figuring out what they wanted, were most comfortable with, and could afford. I knew that the last thing they wanted was to be a burden, but it seemed to me that the best way to deal with this was to take the bull by the horns, be honest and open and try to get a sense of what kind of future our parents envisioned. This is not an easy conversation to have, but certainly one that is necessary.
There are enormous emotional considerations when thinking about aging and long-life care. There are also some very significant financial considerations. I’ve discovered that it’s better to look at the options early on, as cost of care rises with age and health status worsens. So too the cost of long-term care insurance increases, currently at a rate beyond the rate of inflation. There are some great free resources out there that will help give you a sense of the long-term care landscape.
FTC Disclosure: “This post is in association with our friends at Genworth Financial.”
This is actually a conversation for people to start having when they are young, perhaps when they are new parents … at a time when they can think it through and plan. A friend of mine recently told me that her parents planned, when they were quite young, for a time (should it come) when they would need assistance. They’ve set money aside and have a nice facility reserved if the need should ever arise. What a fabulous gift for their kids. I took care of my mother-in-law when she was diagnosed with the early stages of Alzheimers and later when she suffered a massive stroke. Financially, emotionally … actually in every way … it was a hardship … on all of us. We often think that love is all we need in these situations but, while that’s certainly the starting place, there’s so much more. We don’t like to bring it down to finances but … when we can’t care for our loved one because of finances, it’s devastating. Thank you for a very informative article … I hope everyone, including young parents, will consider it for not only their aging parents but for themselves.
I completely understand where you are coming from with this…my mom was 44 dad was 47 when I was born. They are now 75 and 78 yrs respectively. I went home for a visit, was sitting at the breakfast table with my 3 year old son and out of the blue my father asks me if I know who he wants to have as the pallbearers at his funeral!!!! I am in the healthcare profession, so I was able to maintain composure and started taking notes as one request after another was rattled off. My parents decided to “update” their will and with 8 kids in the family- nothing has been easy. Additionally, my father who has 8 cardiac stents in his heart decided to have a total knee replacement in Sept (occurred 2 days after my baby girl was born and he was 2 hours away). This was incredibly stressful on me, as I am the ONLY healthcare provider in the family and Dad’s Durable Power of Attorney for medical affairs- yet I chose to NOT be present for the surgery and (lucky) 3 day hospitalization for the health of our new baby. The “sandwich” generation definitely brings new challenges with it….Good Luck! Nice read!
this is so important — I have elderly neighbors and am watching their kids have to deal with these tough issues and it’s really making me think about what we’ll do.
Also, my MIL, after going through it with her mom, has purchased Long Term Care insurance for herself — which is certainly a huge relief to us.
We have a very fiesty 93 year old neighbor who insists on being independant- we worry about her, but she seems to be doing quite well on her own.
Thanks for addressing this subject, I think that I would love to have my older parents live with my family when they can no longer live alone. Many older people complin of lonliness and if they want to live with us its fine because when I was a baby they sacrificed for me and my siblings, its the least i can do.